Because I Appreciate Your Mind...And Soul

And You Remind Me That Not All Guys Are Assholes
That Eventually Maturity Will Fill That Gap...
And Someday They'll All Wanna Be Loved Back.

....Because In Time, Id Like To Mean Something To Someone On A Daily Basis <3



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXRL_kPHPXA



"But im not insisting that youre some kind of goddess....i know youre suspicious of unspecific love poems. "





Your Success With Words Encourages Mine To Be Heard <3

My Brother Thinks We Suffer From Narcissistic Personality Disorder

And after looking it up i feel we do too. A mild case of course. haha.

My brother is gay by the way...i will refer to him as gay brother. We have an older sister too you know. My mom signed me over to her when i was about 16. She's been my mom/sister.....Mister, ever since (even tho ive moved out and grew up).The 3 of us are extremely close...extremely. Its kinda retarded how close we are seeing as how we are all entirely different. From the way we dress to the people we date to the music we listen to...different. The only thing we have in common is our awesome sense of humor, our love for one another and the fact that we are all skanks every so often...kidding kidding.....kiiiiinda. haha


We share the same mother but we all have different dads. We are dead set in saying we're full blooded siblings even though technically we're half...Seriously though, dont argue with us about this. We will not have it. As long as we all came from moms va jay-jay, we are all mom's kids. Funny thing is...we all couldnt stand one another up until the day my mom abandoned me. Thats when Mister stepped in... young, just starting her career, a new mom...She didnt have to save me, but she did. Mister's seven yrs older than i am, and gay brother is 2 yrs younger than yours truly.Needless to say we come from a broken family.Broken, somewhat hopeless, discouraging...but ours. Not by choice...but hey! what can ya do?If i could pick parents i'd definately wanna be Bill Gates' adopted daughter......maybe i'd be dating R-Patz right now...haha...ha...ANYWAY... I have no intentions of trashing my mother but we all agree that she had a weird way of raising us. My family is just sraight up ghetto to be quite honest...noone did anything great with their lives. Noone went to college, has a career, or stayed married to one man or woman. Everyone got pregnant or impregnated someone as a teenager and did nothing to bounce back and grab life by the balls...except for us... Me, gayness, and mister. Which is funny bc my mom did very little in raising us. we've all made our share of mistakes. i got pregnant and didnt finish school, mister didnt go to college right away or marry my nephew's father(which everyone in my family thinks is the right thing to do....pfffft), and gay brother....well hes gay! haha (family didnt approve AT ALL at first). Im not saying we're perfect bc we're not....but we somewhat do feel better than them. After all the shit we've each been thru individually and together, we're still here. We've bounced back and are doing something with our lives. maybe not in the picture perfect way and time frame...but we're doing something. we're not alcoholics, druggies, drug dealers, or bad parents...No i wont sit on gram's porch with yall and get drunk and high every other day and yeah i will walk past you on my way inside bc yes i do feel im better than that...than that lifestyle.
Dont get me wrong...i love going out. drinking. dancing. flirting.being young and reckless....but i KNOW i have a little girl i gotta think about. a little girl thats depending on me to come home to her everynight....or to pick her up from daddys at the end of his weekends. I know that i was frowned upon the day i chose to keep her but i really dont give a shit. I did drop out...i havent gone back to college but i am taking care of business. I am raising her alone. and i do work my ass off solely to provide a decent life for us until i can go back to school and become famous and shower her with lavish gifts. >:)
We have good heads on our shoulders, my siblings and i....we know what we want out of life and how we'll get it...we know it wont be easy but we know itll come...love, success, wealth, the world...
and for some reason people severely dislike that and our confidence....our self esteem....doood get over it!If you dont like it then get outa town! or stop reading my blog bc i love myself! ;]
So back to my point...yes, Sir Gayness....i DO feel like we fit the criteria for this disorder...bc i do in fact believe we are better than alot of people...bc we grew up with nothing. we have some things...but we are dead set on getting everything...For ourselves...and for our own families (family meaning the siblings and our offspring).
Im not saying i relate to every sign/(symptom?) of this disorder bc i am defiantely not jealous of everyone nor do i think EVERYONE is jealous of me...some are tho! haters. haha but when it comes down to it.....

I Love Myself.

PERIOD.

Bottom Line.

And im proud of myself and the direction my life is going.

and we, as siblings, have high standards when it comes to love and dating but thats bc we KNOW we're good people...we know we deserve the best bc we were never given the best and the best is what we're working for.

No scrubs
No wifebeaters
No losers
No assholes
No haters
No users
No drug addicts
No drunks
No none of those will ever make it past a month or 2 in our lives.



We Are Smart Cookies.
Who Enjoy Baking, Spending Money, Dancing,Loving, Each Other And Ourselves.

<3

Last Night We Were Astronauts! And Astrologists!

And we drove til there were no streetlights and the sky, well we saw all of it!I got out of work and called Brooklynn. My new lady friend whom i met sometime last year but just recently became close with. Last night a meteor shower would take place from midnight to 5am. I picked her up and we drove into the darkness down hwy 35. Drove til we couldnt see the city lights.. just the blackness and a starry sky. We turned down a road she was familiar with and parked on a deserted street. She brought the Blow Pops, i brought the cigarettes. We listened to everything from Brand New to Keith Sweat and together we just watched the sky waiting for those quiet meteorites. And with the blink of an eye....they came. shooting stars and flashing lights, some dim, others bright and we made all kinds of wishes last night...and we laughed at our own humor and talked of metaphorical love tumors... and i loved myself more for not pitying myself over recent events. I loved myself more even though I have no man to fall asleep with.So much bullshit,immature drama has formed over the past week.Its brought down my spirits tremendously no matter how hard i try to shake it. But last night...Laying on that hard uncomfortable pavement, singing along to "almost doesnt count" by Brandi, getting attacked by flying insects and yelling "OOOOHHH!" everytime we saw a shooting star...or mentioned Rufeo...our bar crush....well it reminded me that life really is too damn short...and drama and the people who bring it...will arrive from near and far to do everything they can to try to chop you down and theres nothing you can do about it. Many people love and WILL love me and some are gonna straight up despise me(like the few of you....i know youre reading this) but EVERYONE will know me. They will know my name, my game, and what ive done and stand for...and that gives me tremendous satisfaction and relief. Not an arrogant satisfaction....but the satisfaction of knowing I'm doing something right. That my words and my life experiences and my opinions are OBVIOUSLY getting heard and read and people are being affected. Haha Im like the Perez Hilton of San Antonio at the Moment. San Antonio Juice...Not From Concentrate. (Only Im using fake names for everyone and nobody here is a celebrity....yet ;] )

So me and Brooklynn moved on to a different issue that night... Love...go figure. Now dont get me wrong...I know im not super model material and i got more flaws then talents but I love and know myself enough to know that im amazing.Period. End of story. It doesnt take long for love to find me...its the staying part thats hard.

True love...how will you know? Seriously...How Will You Know? Now im not asking god to allow me to look into my future and show me when where and how ill meet Him...(although a hint would be kinda nice,big guy) but i do contemplate the possibilities and issues around True Love...Theres a biiiiig world out there. Bigger than me and you and us and we...bigger than kanye's ego and Bill Gates' bank account.(oh yes i did make a cheesy celebrity joke and yes you did find it funny in a corny way) Point is, is that how do we know our true love isnt somewhere halfway across the world saving animals or on a business trip in Japan. How do I know MY true love isnt rocking a mic in brooklyn tonight or reciting poems to a highschool english class that couldnt careless about his passion....(but i do, boo...whoever you are,wherever you are).

*le sighhhh*

What about the people that stay in one place their wholes lives?.... The people who dont travel and see the world...who dont care to...what about them? Does God send them their true love? Is it a godly thing? or is soul searching OUR own mission... Is their significant other TRULY their true love or is it just someone they truly love?

So many questions.
So many things to think about....

I like being single. i enjoy it.
but im a natural born lover...
Naturally Born To Love.
ill wait for love...but please dont make me wait too long.

(heres to hoping Love will bring me a tall handsome poetic man with a sense of humor and a big smile...someone whose good with kids, has a good job and will stay for a while)


<3

Yo, You Never Know Who A Person Truly Is....

Until You've Seen Their Angry Side....

And today....i CLEARLY see the type of person a certain someone is.

Like i've mentioned before...for a while now i've made it a point to not waste time with men that are my age or younger simply because every man ive encountered that is my age or younger is in fact still a 15 year old boy, mentally.Well it appears even guys 2-3years older than i, are STILL mental teenagers.

DISHEARTENING!

So if you can recall I talked about scrubs the other day and a certain relationship i dipped out on with a quickness due to some irreconcilable differences. The guy(lets call him charlie shall we?), "Charlie" and I remained on neutral terms. Two days after we broke it off he went back to his ex (which did not surprise me at all), but did make it a little harder to be completely cool with the guy and a little easier to question his motives with me to begin with. I wouldnt call him a good friend nor my worst enemy he's just someone Im "okay" with. Nevertheless...im a lover not a bitter baby and i usually dont hold grudges. So as far as im concerned we have no issues with one another...
A couple of my homies dj at a popular bar on the St. Mary's Strip every wednesday.A bar i've been going to for a couple of months now.Im somewhat a "regular" i suppose. Charlie just so happens to be good friends with one of the djs on wednesdays...a dj i too am good friends with...Lets call himmm Plex. So technically Charlie isnt a wednesday night dj but bc hes friends with Plex, he'll help set up and kinda stand there next to him all night occasionally spinning a 10 minute mix. So i get this message today via myspace, titled "i come in peace" (sure you do)from charlie.
Basically he states that he's bringing his woman to the bar tonight and tells me to not go...he claims that some drama will go down and that next wednesday he'll buy me a beer if i stay away from the bar tonight.
Bitch please! First of all when have i ever needed you to buy me a beer? Did you ever buy beers when i dated you? Could have sworn it was always me buying them.(stupid me) What in the world makes you think a free beer next week will bribe me into canceling MY plans so that you dont have to feel awkward or deal with drama.
Second of all...it wasnt even a request....it was a fuckin demand and you dont demand things from people and assume theyll come quietly and abide by everything you say because not everyone is like that. and i sure as hell am not that type of woman. You cant force someone you dont want to see to stay away from a place you both regularly go to and enjoy. Sorry! Its not happening.Exes and summer flings and one night stands and all that nonsense go to the same clubs and bars and hang out spots all the time...why is it that YOU have to be the one to make it unpleasant.
Lets dig a little deeper into the situation, shall we? One of my best friends is the other dj on wednesdays...lets call him Villian(he'd know why). Now whats funny is that villian warned me about charlie from the get go. villian has always had my best interest at heart. He can be painfully honest at times but thats how villian is.its tough love and i appreciate him for it.villian is a really great dj...im not just saying that bc hes my best friend. im saying that bc its the truth...hes the guy that plays the song that gets you to the dancefloor...hes the dj that KEEPS you on your feet,dancing until youre sweaty. thats villian for ya and wednesday nights at this bar DO NOT receive the credit they deserve...so thats what i do. every wednesday i try to get as much people as i can to come out and dance to these great djs. wednesdays and/or thursdays are also the only night i really go out. especially when my baby's dad has his weekends off. that means i dont get to do much on the weekends there for wednesdays are my break nights that im so gratefully given.Overall, wednesdays are MY thing. my fun night, my break night, my dance night, my see the girls night, my mingle with males night.
So after reading Charlies message i stayed as polite as possible with him and nicely stated that i would not ruin my prearranged plans for him and that if it helps ill keep major distance between them and i. I could do that. Im not a child. Im not there for him nor do i care if theyre butt naked and humping on the dance floor. by all means do your thing. I have my eye on a bigger and better prize. He insisted i stay away from the bar wednesday, i politely tried to compremise in evry which way i could. but of course there was no getting thru to this thick headed boy. Eventually he started making threats. MAJOR threats. Which were completely out of line and uncalled for. With each message his threats and words got more and more rude and vicious and eventually turned into an issue that involved not only me but villians girlfriend whom im rather close with. So now this conversation turned into an argument which led to a full blown war between us....yet not once did i take cheap shots or make threats back. i did however inform villian of the situation as to give him a heads up of the potential sabotage Charlie was planning and i dont think villian was too pleased. the threats he was making would potentially affect me and villian's lady, in return upsetting villian...and eventually messing up business for the bar...and bc we all knew who started this....Plex would also have some problems bc charlie indeed "djs" with plex.
So here i sit....hours later,at work, not working, hungry and still semi annoyed. It shouldnt have gone this far. He truly turned into someone i do not know...all bc he didnt get his way...something ive been allowing him to have since we met. I stand my ground and it is honest ground at that.I even contacted his lady and apologized for the situation and made known that there is no drama with me. That im a nice girl and i can understand if she feels uneasy about me but i have NO feelings whatsoever for Charlie. She herself was really understanding and there didnt seem to big that big of an issue....yet why did charlie turn into a monster over this?
I do not know...all i know is that you cant really say you know a person until youve gotten on their bad side. only then will their true colors come out and only then can you see the TYPE of person they are....in this case...well he's someone i dont think id let or want in completely.

Watch those Dr.jeckel and Mr.Hyde type men, ladies....theyre big NO-NOs.

Currently Kicking Myself

In My NonExistent Balls.....For Not Being At Limelight Last Saturday...







Seriously Tho.....Wtf Was I Thinking Missing Out On Such A Festive Night!

If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you...

I'd have five cents. ;]

Mayer Hawthorne - Maybe So, Maybe No from Stones Throw on Vimeo.

So today Mayer Hawthorne put out the new video for his song titled "Maybe So, Maybe No". It wasnt some fancy shmancy expensive music video at all.There was no fake storyline to it. no visual effects or much of anything really...It was simple and silly and cute as hell. Just like him! haha. The video itself was nothing GREAT.(and i say that in the most non offending way possible)it was overall just really...i dont know...normal? which in return made it extremely fun to watch. Especially if you're a big Mayer fan. it was nice watching him spin records, act silly, eat....,(alot haha) visit record shops, and post up on venice beach...(i think thats where they were). it was just some big home video with people mouthing the song lyrics here and there and him kinda just kickin it real hard and video taping kids skateboarding at a skatepark.haha. its safe to say i thoroughly enjoyed it.
:]


AAAAAAAAAND heres the part where i act like a total girl and drool over him. haha

Swear to GAWD your girl has the HUGEST crush on this guy. Its sickening actually. He's by far one of the few musicians I have ever refused to download...Im actually going to wait til his album drops on 09-09-09 before i hear the whole tracklist.I appreciate what he's doing THAT much.

His music truly is phenominal though. trust. Its 60s motownish doo-wop sounding....but new! who am i kidding, i dont know how to explain it! im not some music critic. i dont do this for a living but i do listen to, love and appreciate music therefore id like to think my opinion matters to some. maybe not everyone...but some.


buy the album on 09-09-09.
please take my word for it.
you will not regret it.
(i hella sound like i already got that ish dont i? well i dont! but best believe ill be pre-ordering it on friday when i get paid haha


buy it and if youre in the austin area....come out to seem him on october 10th.


ill be there.
hopefully drunk and singing my heart out to every song he performs



Yo Andrewwww! If you saw my tweet and nicely decided to read this blog you should definately give a girl a hug and buy me a drink on the 10th in austin.Im funny. You'll laugh.


swear youre my favorite.


ok im stopping now. hah

I Cant Help It...

im a straight forward woman.


dont get me wrong. i love being in love.


but when youre holdin out for love and guys constantly disappoint....all a girl really wants to do is get hers...


is to satisfy HER needs....

and there aint nothin wrong with that ladiessss.

do your thang.

be a bad bitch. just use protection and try not to sleep with best friends, brothers, and your boss's son....(awkwardddd)

"A Scrub Is A Guy...

that thinks he's fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass..."



So basically a friend and i were discussing a recent break up of mine...



she randomly texted me these lyrics and they so perfectly described this guy.



WHY ARE GUYS SO....I dont know...DUMB!
although i was pretty foolish as well for falling for him.
never again, mind you.


So this guy...came like a stampede of something interesting.
knocked me off my high horse and drove me to cities i had never been before.

his game was tight.
and he was pretty aight....at first!

things got complicated when i caught my eyes wandering and when he started to depend on me for drinks and food when we went out...

i mean dont get me wrong.
im self righteous and independent and i dont mind paying for things.

but this was still so new...i mean come on!...its only gentleman-like to pay for things the first couple of months. especially if youre the one inviting.

or if we show up to the same place....PLEASE fellas....do NOT assume i got you for the rest of the night.

so frustrating.

"I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me
I don't want no scrub"

i should have been smarter than that...
i knew better.
but was blinded by the breathe of fresh air.
and great sex. (hey its true!)

Needless to say...it didnt work out. and im glad that i ended it quickly and before i ended up even more broke and in debt!

im not a sugar mamma.
fuck that shit!

and ladies...we should be treated like queens.
especially the ones with kids. haha
we work too hard to get where we're at and the last thing we need is some scrub ass nigga coming in, doing us real good, then unknowingly robbing us of our common sense and great credit scores.
Use your brains,ladies...
Sure he could give you mulitple orgasms but he sure as hell couldnt hold down he damn fort and provide.

i will say,tho....he was a good guy. for the most part. young, semi selfish,and bratty at times...but he was good to me...just not what i was looking for. maybe thats why he ran back to ex 2 days after we decided to end things. (Good Luck You Guys!)

haha

so fellas...if this describes you:

"If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son i'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son i'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty that you don't show love
Oh yes son i'm talking to you (yea yea yea yea...)
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no i don't want no (oh)"


PLEASE...please please please...do not waste my time.

I Aint That Annoying Person At The Bar...

Talking shit about how lame san antonio is and how he cant wait to move. how austins much more sick and how he used to live in dallas. That guy who dreams of san fran or nyc...nah that aint me. ive always loved this place. always.It never fails.... something new is always popping off. Im forever meeting really interesting people. We dont have much here. But we got enough.And im happy with that.I appreciate this place. It never gets cold enough to snow and when its hot its wicked hellish but its decent. mad decent. haha.

Like i said before....nothing but love for san antonio...its just....
lately ive been feeling kind of....idk...old soul-ish?

Im young. Ive been on my own since i was sixteen and i had my daughter when i was eighteen...These things have caused me to grow up quick. that and the fact that ive never hung around with people in my age group. my closest friends exceed me in age by at least 4 yrs...so when yall were 17yrs old, jumping fences after a house party got raided, i was already best friends with bartenders and door guys...but thats besides the point.

The point im trying to make is that i've been blessed with many things in life. Ive struggled thru most of it but i somehow always manage. Someone always has my back. always comes thru. and when they dont...well i have decent luck and hella faith. I somehow crammed life experiences from the ages of 18-25 into a 2yr span by the age of 20. Bittersweet i suppose. Ive met incredible people. ive learned to let go of poisonous ones, and i did it all without ever feeling like i missed out on life because i chose to keep my daughter. Yeah it may sound shitty but lets be real here... there has been a ridiculously dangerous teenage baby boom in san antonio over the last 3 yrs. me and my best friends being part of that baby boom and about 80% of them have/will end in single parents, child support, and drop outs..(highschool and college) and You think you're ready for a child?
Believe me youre not.
"But sabrina you make it look so easy...if you can do it i know i can"
BELIEVE me you cant.
You have no idea whats in store for you. Girls paint this pretty picture of how life will be...having a baby young so your kid will have young parents, getting married, one parent goes to school, the other works, then yall can switch off, get a little apartment near his moms house since she babysits....yeah i know how you think bc alot of idiots think that way.
My daughter wasnt planned but i was foolish enough to plan it out that way once i did find out i was pregnant.
Reality set in real fast.
I worked throughout my entire pregnancy.
My ex cheated on me while i was pregnant.
He didnt get a job til the week after Ava was born.
And he became abusive.

I grew up fast. But its bc i had to. And i got lucky that i was able to experience the nightlife still. even after i had my daughter.

But ive realized something just recently...and its kind of disheartening... even the older ones arent on the same level as me. Maybe its something in the san antonio water...or maybe im just a 35yr old woman stuck in a 20yr olds body. but whatever it is has got me wondering...thinking...daydreaming...itching...to leave san antonio...in search of new skin.new faces. new bones.
voices...i havent heard before.
hands...i havent held.
im looking for someone to cause all kinds of mess in my heart and mind and stomach...
good mess of course.
i want to wonder whats next and not have the slightest clue.
i want to meet someone who can teach me a thing or 2.
im so tired of being the teacher.
and i got responsibilities.
a job
a car
bills
and more importantly, My Child....
They take up most of my time and dedication
but wanting those butterflies.
to feel childlike again....well theres always room for that.
no matter what people say.


So tell me, when's the last time YOU left alive?
Whens the last time love took you for a ride?

;]

I Have Never Been A Child Of Reticence....

So you can imagine how badly I dislike my job. Im not meant to sit in a windlowless room with a computer and a headset, answering phones…. Im meant to shine…to live…to write words…to impact lives… so why arent i living?….Because mommy’s gotta pay the bills some way, some how… so sacrfice my happiness, artistic and creative views and opinions to put clothes on your back and make sure you got AC when we’re driving in this texas heat?….why yes…..yes i will…and without hesitation too… ill put my dreams on hold to give you everything i can possibly get…. without a doubt in my mind or a heart full of regret. <3




BUT MARK MY WORDS!!! …..Sooner or later everyone will know my name. And by then my little sugared date will have everything she will so rightfully deserve. as will i. bitches and money and houses and shoes! HAAAAAY!;D haha i keed i keed….sorta. <3

Because Its BitterSweet To Me...

They Say She Whispers Words So Sweet, It'll Make Your Mouth Water...

She got gold in her eyes and they sparkle when you call her.

No man nor myth can hold her down for too long.

She a self-righteous girl,before you know it she’ll be gone.

Got an imperfect body mankind sees angelic.

Tastes so good, will turn a saint in an addict.

She got em turnin heads just as soon as she arrives.

She never pays for drinks, but she’ll be drunk by tonight.

Yeah she starin at you,

She battin’ them eyes,

She touchin your hand,

She feedin you lies…

M i n d S o C o m p l e x , W i l l P u t I n g e n i u s M e n T o R e s t.

She’s feelin you right now but will eventually lose interest.

Smile brighter than a lighthouse, On the shore she stands alone.

Singing lullabies to mermaids, Yeah she’s bringin sailors home.

She got braille on her body only blinding light can read.

Touch her if you dare but she’ll make your fingers bleed.

Impenetrable kisses, theyll make your knees weak.

She’s a dancing time bomb, you’re just another casualty.
<3

Ive had this blogger thing for over a year now and i have yet to use it.

i recently opened up a tumblr account and after playing with it for a few weeks

ive decided it was time to put my blogger to use.

it seems more promising and more people use blogger.blogspot/whatever the hell its called.

so this is where it starts. this is where and how ill impact the world.

you dont believe me do you?

:]

well you should.

i dont know what my purpose is in life.

i cant tell you my future and i dont know if success is just around the corner...

but i do know one thing.

im destined for something more.

something big.

something major.

i can feel it...its in my bones and runnin through my veins.

someday people will know my name.

someday shit will stop being so rough.

someday i wont have to work so hard to get Ava,my daughter, everything she deserves.

My name's sabrina.

the nicknames are endless.

im shorter than expected.

funny as hell

and i got a story to tell.

Follow Me...