Talking shit about how lame san antonio is and how he cant wait to move. how austins much more sick and how he used to live in dallas. That guy who dreams of san fran or nyc...nah that aint me. ive always loved this place. always.It never fails.... something new is always popping off. Im forever meeting really interesting people. We dont have much here. But we got enough.And im happy with that.I appreciate this place. It never gets cold enough to snow and when its hot its wicked hellish but its decent. mad decent. haha.
Like i said before....nothing but love for san antonio...its just....
lately ive been feeling kind of....idk...old soul-ish?
Im young. Ive been on my own since i was sixteen and i had my daughter when i was eighteen...These things have caused me to grow up quick. that and the fact that ive never hung around with people in my age group. my closest friends exceed me in age by at least 4 yrs...so when yall were 17yrs old, jumping fences after a house party got raided, i was already best friends with bartenders and door guys...but thats besides the point.
The point im trying to make is that i've been blessed with many things in life. Ive struggled thru most of it but i somehow always manage. Someone always has my back. always comes thru. and when they dont...well i have decent luck and hella faith. I somehow crammed life experiences from the ages of 18-25 into a 2yr span by the age of 20. Bittersweet i suppose. Ive met incredible people. ive learned to let go of poisonous ones, and i did it all without ever feeling like i missed out on life because i chose to keep my daughter. Yeah it may sound shitty but lets be real here... there has been a ridiculously dangerous teenage baby boom in san antonio over the last 3 yrs. me and my best friends being part of that baby boom and about 80% of them have/will end in single parents, child support, and drop outs..(highschool and college) and You think you're ready for a child?
Believe me youre not.
"But sabrina you make it look so easy...if you can do it i know i can"
BELIEVE me you cant.
You have no idea whats in store for you. Girls paint this pretty picture of how life will be...having a baby young so your kid will have young parents, getting married, one parent goes to school, the other works, then yall can switch off, get a little apartment near his moms house since she babysits....yeah i know how you think bc alot of idiots think that way.
My daughter wasnt planned but i was foolish enough to plan it out that way once i did find out i was pregnant.
Reality set in real fast.
I worked throughout my entire pregnancy.
My ex cheated on me while i was pregnant.
He didnt get a job til the week after Ava was born.
And he became abusive.
I grew up fast. But its bc i had to. And i got lucky that i was able to experience the nightlife still. even after i had my daughter.
But ive realized something just recently...and its kind of disheartening... even the older ones arent on the same level as me. Maybe its something in the san antonio water...or maybe im just a 35yr old woman stuck in a 20yr olds body. but whatever it is has got me wondering...thinking...daydreaming...itching...to leave san antonio...in search of new skin.new faces. new bones.
voices...i havent heard before.
hands...i havent held.
im looking for someone to cause all kinds of mess in my heart and mind and stomach...
good mess of course.
i want to wonder whats next and not have the slightest clue.
i want to meet someone who can teach me a thing or 2.
im so tired of being the teacher.
and i got responsibilities.
a job
a car
bills
and more importantly, My Child....
They take up most of my time and dedication
but wanting those butterflies.
to feel childlike again....well theres always room for that.
no matter what people say.
So tell me, when's the last time YOU left alive?
Whens the last time love took you for a ride?
;]
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1 comment:
You're obviously in need of new adventures.
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